Life update from Moorea

Before there was sister talk, there were my monthly newsletters, which I sent to those who supported my journey and wanted to be able to watch from afar. I wanted to continue this through the blogging of Sister Talk. Although every post does hold within it a fragment of current process or update of some sort, I wanted to simply write an update on life thus far for those of you who have followed my journey the last few years, as well as those who have recently jumped on the Sister Talk momentum.

I'll inform you that typing this post is rather uncomfortable... not so much emotionally, but physically. You see, about a week before lock down happened in Norway, (March 8) I broke my finger. It was Sunday morning, and we had arrived early for soundcheck as Felix and I were supposed to be leading worship. I had been searching for some more microphone stands when it happened. My finger got stuck in the hinges of a really heavy door. I'll spare details, because usually the imagination is capable of figuring out the rest. Thankfully I responded quickly and pushed the door back open before it could have completely "decapitated" my left index finger. Despite my efforts, though, my finger was indeed broken. In my Adrenalin, I wasn't so aware of physical pain, and, seeing that my finger was crooked, it clicked it back into place as I screamed and declared healing in a rather frantic expression.

Where was Felix? Upstairs, photocopying sheets of music that we were not going to need. He was dragged down and into the car of a friend. He found a very distressed wife, holding an old dirty rag under her bleeding finger. Look, I am not going to leave a photo of the finger, because I respect you. But, if you do want to see what a finger in turmoil looks like, I will gladly send you a picture. Today, my finger is basically straight, though I can't fully bend it yet. The nail is going through some kind of identity crisis, and is on it's way out. Hopefully to reveal a younger, straighter nail beneath it.

Once it was stitched and bandaged up, I was told to keep it dry. Then all the "wash your hands" hype exploded overnight and I nervously shuffled backward out of the scene, laying low and keeping out of trouble with my unwashed left hand.

It's crazy what effect a tiny body part has on the whole body. Suddenly, I couldn't dress, tie my shoelaces, make a tea without needing assistance. I slept with cushions under my hand to keep it raised, and needed help for the smallest of things. I avoided showering because it was just a lot of effort... though I did shower enough for someone who did't leave the house for a week. But of course, this lead to feelings of being "gross", "not beautiful" or other self pity- related emotions. It was a time of all kinds of swirly emotions and the general "undoing" that sometimes the smallest things can trigger.

I will say that I was impressed by my pain tolerance and the peace in which I remained in during our 6 hours at the medical center.

So, we've been in isolation for over a month because of Corona virus, and it's been mostly good. Initially it was great to have the time to recover and rest. It has also been a great time of stillness before God, and a time to reflect on my life so far. For example, I realized yesterday that only SIX MONTHS after my first DATE with Felix, he and I were on a plane to Norway. Like, what the heck?! What a massive season change. It's been good to get some perspective and so become a little kinder to myself rather than entertain disqualifying thoughts toward myself as a leader, revivalist or missionary. Engaged after 5 months, moved to Norway a month later.

Now we've been married over 9 months, and when we look back at our pre-Norway season, we can barely recognize the two young, "unbroken" or, "unchallenged" lovebirds. Nothing grew me as much as living in a foreign country, needing to make a completely new circle of friends, facing all kinds of pre-marital topics, discovering what a woman is (still learning, by the way), working as a full-time volunteer and being financed by faith alone (what a stretch - but what a liberating joy!), keeping faith for a dream wedding, having a dream wedding, (though with no relatives because of a death in the family the day before), becoming a wife, learning about sexuality, moving into our first home together... in a nation that was not our own, enduring long winters of uncomfortable icy weather and 5 hours of sunlight, and inner winter seasons of obscurity, feeling unknown, misunderstood, unseen, unraveled...

Two years of Norway so far.

The result? A slightly disheveled girl that just tumbled down a hill, now with grass in her matted hair, but a proud, unforced smile on her face. A girl catching rays of sunlight on her face with a heart of gratitude, a couple bruises here and there, and a dizzying gaze into an unseen future.

But perhaps, what I have gained most of all, and am still gaining, is understanding that I am forever caught and held by a father. And though I now operate as a mother with the students I lead, internally, I continually return to the unraveled, weak, yet perfectly loved child of God that I am. He hasn't missed a single beat, or any need. We have seen him pay our rent, now for 2 years without ever asking publicly for help. Not once have we been without food either. Rather, we have lived in abundance. We live a wealthy life in Christ.

Although in more challenging moments, I have looked back at how I got here and wished for a different path, an easier life, a more glamorous internship... The honest truth for both my husband and I is that we wouldn't change any of it. This has all been for the benefit of our growth in maturity, character, wisdom and patience. I much prefer the woman I am today than the seemingly more favored one I was during my time as a student at BSSM. I am a better wife, friend, servant, and leader.

I am thankful for the process and the undoing. No matter how many messy moments we navigate along the way.

Today I am stronger than I have ever been, and yet I know this is still nothing compared to the woman I will be in the future. Bring it on!

As for less deep updates:

- The weather is finally warming up! (a whole 15 degrees Celsius!)

- My face is utterly sunburnt ( I underestimated the Norwegian sun...)

- Felix is still the finest looking man on the globe and we are madly in love

- I recently got really into cheese making

- Current read: Madame Guyon's "Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ" 😭♥

- We have some amazing Jesus-hungry Norwegian friends!

- I cut out sugar and carbs because I am not working out, and want to avoid corona carbs.

- Marriage is awesome

- Felix is becoming a pro at photoshop art

- We're dreaming about starting a business

- We are using this time to really "reset" - coming back to the "why" for our life, listening once again to the many prophetic words we received and gaining vision and perspective.

- Have not learnt any Norwegian still

- I miss travel

- Work is simple now - just administering applications for Impact next year :)

- Did I mention I made cheese?

Thanks to everyone for your support, and for remaining in connection with us! Happy to answer any questions you may have. And now I want to pray over you: EPHESIANS 3:16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Moorea (&Felix).