Why I don't get tired of initiating.

I recently had the chance to "slide into the DMs" with a reader about sustaining our inner cirlces. Like me, she attended BSSM and although she had formed a close-knit group of friends while she was there, since moving on... 9 months later, she feels the connections are slipping apart as each girl moves on to her home country.

After sharing on how I worked to sustain my inner cirlce friends, which involved me being the initiator a lot of the time, she asked a pretty fair question that I would have asked too:

Do you ever get tired of initiating all the time? Or being the main one to do it?

I get it. I've been there.

But something changed within me, I can't really say when.

I took the time to take a heart check in and reflect on why I'm not tired or discourgaed by it.

These are my refections.

1) THE POWER OF CHOICE:

I'm not tired of initiating, because it is my pleasure to reach out to my friends. I genuinely care about the well-being of their lives. I want to laugh with them, cry with them and hear their latest process. It truly pleasures my heart to hear how they are doing, and to fellowship with them. You see, I chose them. And I think that is a huge mental shift that changes things. Just as God first chose me, I took the decision in my heart to chose my friends. Why did I choose them? I enjoyed them, I liked their style, I resonated with their values, I belieived in them... There's many reasons, but I think it actually all boils down to the fact that I see value in them, and I value them. It was my decision before they chose me back! And while some of them mabe chose me first, or at the same time, I have taken the stance that it was MY choice, so my friendship was mine to give from the first place, and it is a true pleasure of my heart to give it to the ones I love.

Do you feel as though you could say that you have chosen your friends? Or did you just somehow kind of "fall" into a cosy space where little intentionality was needed? Even if you've done life together for 20 years, you can still choose today to change the way you view your why behind the friendship.

2) SELF-BELIEF #loveyourself:

I actally believe that I am a good friend, and that I am a real blessing to my girls' lives! Why? Because I was created on purpose by God. This has caused me to believe that people are lucky if they have me as a close friend.

Do you think you are the kind of friend that someone wants? The kind of friend that makes someone else' life sparkle that little bit more? If your answer is no, then I wonder how that is working out for you? The truth is that you are irreplacable, and the very fact that God made you, down to your indivdual fingerprint is evidence that He believed that the world would be that much more wonderful with you in it! You are wonderful. People are lucky to do life with you. You were created in love, by love and for love. It's now in your DNA. I pursue from a position of overflow, not lack.

So another reason why I am not drained by pursuit is because my identiy and value is in God's hands, not my friends'. I am free to take risks and fall back into love. The fruit of this is an increased sense of stability in myself, because I am carried and held by someone who is stable in Himself. A stable friend is a loyal friend, despite the response of the others.

3) WORTH IT:

Worth has value. Value has a cost. If I want a pair of Gucci sunglasses, there's a price tag that comes with it. But if I think it's worth it, I won't even notice the "sacrifice" of the money I give away for it. Same with Jesus and us. He counted the cost to win us back. In a sense, Heaven went bankrupt for humanity, but the Bible says that Jesus considered it a joy! (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God"

-Heb 12:2

So what I am asking here is this: Is this friendship you are pursuing worth it? And why? A noble answer will propel you forward with a grace that glides through any obstacle that once held you back. An answer from a "lack" perspective will have you burnout soon. Do this with wisdom and in love. I believed that pursuing my friends was worth it, and I also had a vision for each connection: These are the kinds of women I want to run with in my life. And I know that as much as I get to bring to their life, they also carry a lot of wisdom, fun, and faith that blesses me in return!

I admire my friends for different reasons. They inspire and challenge me. They call me higher if needed, and remind me of who I am. I am really thankful for the amazing women around me! Because our relationships started abroad, many of my close friends live in different parts of the world, but we stay conneced through video calls and messaging. beith In taking more initiative at the start, I also knew it was worth it because of the quality of women they were. And a quality woman knows her own value and idenity in God, which makes for another great friend. If you're going to invest in people as close friends, invest in good people.

Good friends attract good friends!

So, here are questions for you:

- Are you moving from an overflow of love, or lack? - Do you believe that you are a good friend that people are blessed to know?

- Is this pursuit "worth it"? Why?

- Are you wholeheartedly choosing this friendship?

Concluding thoughts:

Please hear me: I am not preaching "make yourself a doormat"- A doormat isn't loved... on the contrary, dirty shoes are wiped on it. You, however are loved. A selfless love-giver is a queen at heart, but a servant in action, moving from the overflow of love.

Let me know how you go! xx M