Why we didn't kiss until we married.

I's July 14, 2018 and we are riding on a Vespa in the twilight hours through the back streets of a small Italian village. My arms around his waist can feel something in his pocket - a small box? Oh my gosh... it can't be... maybe it's a pair of earrings? Oh but what if it is what I suspect... Am I ready? Well, I sure better be! I know in my heart more than anything that this is the man I want to marry - I am just startled, and my period literally just started so my emotions are swooshing all over the place like the ocean before a storm. Ok, breathe. Connect with your heart.

Maybe it's just earrings.

Then we proceed up a hill as the sky gets dark. When we reach our destination, I am asked to keep my eyes shut as we walk still further up the hill. It's a vineyard and the leaves are starting to catch the glow of the moonlight. Breathe.

We stop. I can hear by his voice that there is an enormous grin on his face. "You can look up now". I look up and see a row of fire-torches, leading to a small pavilion draped with sheer white cloth and candles. It's not earrings. After laughing our way down the aisle and the presenting of a few special gifts, he is on his knee asking me to be his wife. The stars are dancing above us and the town is twinkling on a hill below. How sacred.

What words can you use in this moment of destiny? It is holy, mystical, and sacred. After some tears and laughter I ask, "So, should we kiss now?" We had decided not to kiss until engagement. We're both nervous. This precious Eden that we cultivated between us has not yet been walked through. Should we talk off our shoes before we tread on this holy ground? "I'll count down from three" he says excited and nervous. THREE...TWO... ONE... MWAH.

And we crack up laughing. What a funny sensation! I've never felt anything like it. We try it again, and then break into laughter. Lips like pannacotta. I don't really "get it", kissing feels so foreign at this point. Then, buzzing with the joy of our commitment, we ride back to the villa where I am surprised by a party of friends and family who knew about this all along. "Kiss!!" They call out, as cameras flash from all around. I haven't even had the time to connect my heart to the physical expression, so we keep the kisses short and sweet. This is way too sacred to bring into the public eye right now. We celebrate with the plethora of Italian plates and meaningful loved ones until late into the starry night. It's been a huge day and I suddenly am more than happy to slip away from the party and get some sleep. We brush our teeth together, oh so happy. Then, before parting ways, he kisses me again. And this time, it's beautiful. Like a waterfall of love cascading from my lips to my heart, and butterflies are all over the place as my heart opens like a flower in Spring. What was that!?

So begins our kissing chapter... which lasted 4 days. It's such a wonder, it's intoxicatingly beautiful and exciting! The more we kiss, the less I want to stop kissing. But then came day 4, we were sharing a bag of chips and drinking something refreshing by the sea while the family were swimming. Discussing the topic of "arousal" and how it affects the male and female body differently. Is it right? What is it for anyway? But everyone else seems to kiss... But what is GOD asking of us personally? "hmm.. maybe we should just limit it to cheeks until we're married?" I suggest "No, I think I want to not kiss at all until our wedding day." My jaw hits the floor.

That's in a year. For real?! But as I sit in thought, the invitation to heed to conviction presents itself. I have a choice. I know inside me that this garden is far too beautiful to walk through right now, outside of covenant. I feel the gentle, loving voice of the father. "love can wait, my dear one. You are both worth it" Before we go further: My heart is not to point a finger, condemn, or judge anyone who did it differently. I am completely in favor of the idea of waiting for the first kiss (and everything else), and my heart is simply to present to you another way, in case no one has modeled it to you before. You may take that to the Lord yourself. If you cannot agree with "not kissing before marriage", then please take what I am saying for the overall exhortation to gaining a higher value for yourself and your sexuality, whether married or single.

I believe that arousal's purpose is to awaken covenant love - love with the eternal promise "'till death do us part". A huge part of this is expressed through a sexual connection which is holy. It is to be built in love and through trust over time in the fortress of marriage. We were not going to awaken sexuality until we were married, because we believe its place is in covenant.

Worth has value.

I suddenly understood the words of a pastor who had given us a little mentoring and accountability when we started the journey: "when you arouse each other outside of marriage, you are defrauding yourselves." (Thanks, Francesco) You're cheating yourself: your heart and your body. And also that of your special person. Arousal is not a cheap wine to drink at a picnic:

A wine connoisseur loves wine. Not for the alcoholic consumption, and intoxication, but in response to the reverential affinity he holds towards the art in the glass.

The connoisseur is highly aware of when the vine was planted, how many years it took for it to yield fruit and the years of hiddenness in a barrel. He tastes it with purpose and value. Anyone else wouldn't have the ability to appreciate the history, the blend of notes, or take the time to fully receive and respect it. The same principal applies to arousal and marriage. Firstly, YOU must become a connoisseur and realize the valuable treasure that God put in your heart. Gaining a sacred value for it will change the way you "open the bottle". It's not a cheap drink to open with an un-committed boyfriend who lacks the palate for something as holy as arousal.

It was designed to bring a husband and a wife together in a way that is unique to the relationship of marriage.

Just as a wine connoisseur has the ability to appreciate wine because of his value for it, you're ability to appreciate sexuality is determined by your reverence and value for it.

And I can say, on the other side of marriage, kissing feels SO different inside covenant. It feels like a shoe that fits perfectly. Like a glove that perfectly embraces the hand. The same personal conviction that beckoned us to wait now exclaims a big YES every time we come together.

So we did it! We made a choice and didn't bend our wills half way. At the start, it was difficult for us, but then, it became so easy that we even forgot what it is like to kiss. Actually... for me (Moorea) it was really hard for the first 2 weeks and I tried many times to bend rules ever so slightly. I wanted to do the right thing in my head, but not in my heart. I nodded my head at Felix's noble reasoning, but didn't open my heart to receive the revelation of how sacred it truly is, and also, how personally God took it when I discovered that value. Once I did, so much purpose was added to my decision, and my choice became a pleasure, not a problem.

By the time Matt, our pastor at the wedding announced "you may now kiss Moorea", it was like the very first kiss of our entire life - even for Felix, who, before he knew Jesus, had made some poorer choices. We both felt like we experienced a REAL kiss. A kiss with a commitment, a kiss with honor, dignity, value and love.

We are both 100 % pro saving the kiss.

Love is not driven, love is lead.

Love is not about arousal, but arousal belongs in love. Some thoughts for your heart during Coronavirus quiet time. (At least, for us in Norway... Church is closed, shops are closed, transport is limited... Lots of time for reading and reflecting.) As always, I / we would love to hear some thoughts and answer any questions you may have. xx M & F